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maxresdefaultYesterday as I write this, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off aired for free online, courtesy of Domino’s Pizza.

I always wanted to see a sequel showing Ferris’ future, in which these events have happened:

• Ferris, always unable to ignore temptation, cheated on his beloved Sloane and broke her heart. 

(The original movie hints at this future during the parade scene, when Sloane looks up and sees the girls on Ferris’s parade float adore him — and, to her disappointment, he enjoys and indulges their adoration. Later, when he’s running home under terrible time pressure, he stops to chat with two swimsuited women sunning themselves. His devotion to Sloane is not exactly monogamous.)

• Cameron told his father about destroying the man’s beloved Ferrari, whereupon Dad beat Cameron nearly to death, shipped him to military school, and (using the benefits of being rich) escaped prosecution and bad publicity for assaulting his son.

• Jean/Shauna got involved with the druggy Charlie Sheen character, who used her as his drug mule; she got arrested, convicted, and imprisoned for possession and trafficking.

• Ed Rooney’s agonizing failure to take Ferris down pushed him into a spiral of attempted (but always failed) revenge. His unending obsession led him to losing his job and near-death by alcoholism.

• And Ferris, as usual, skipped away from all of this suffering — until Sloane, Cameron, Jean, and Ed caught up with him.

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