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Category Archives: Editing

Don’t go there

28 Tuesday Mar 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in Editing, English, Publishing, Words, writing

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Tags

Editing, Language, Words, writing

The Grumpy Editor has something new to grump about.

Unless you use it to designate a place or direction, or something in a place or direction, the word “there” weakens tight, punchy writing.

“Trendy fashionistas are wearing cow heads” is better — that is, stronger and shorter — than “There’s a trend among fashionistas to wear cow heads.”

“Only VIPs have sex in the Champagne Room” is better than “There is sex in the Champagne Room only for VIPs.”

“Nobody needs to use the word ‘there’ ” is better than “There is no need for anybody to use the word ‘there.’ ”

The Grumpy Editor admits that he himself has used “there” in this way. Moreover, so have many writers far greater than GrumpyEd (see “There must be more money” in “The Rocking-Horse Winner” by D.H. Lawrence).

But for most of us who are not great writers, the Grumpy Editor advises avoiding “there.” So there!

“What the hell?” movies, part 2: Toy Story

18 Saturday Feb 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in Animation, Cartoons, Editing, Entertainment, Movies, Pop culture, Toy Story, writing

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Pixar, plot holes, story logic, Toy Story

As I mentioned in the first installment of this series, people will ignore howling plot problems if they like a story enough. Some of the most popular stories make no sense.

Take Toy Story. Warning: Spoilers ahead.

A key element of this movie is that toys can walk and talk like you or I — but as soon as a human notices them, they fall down and become as inanimate as, well, a wooden toy.

This response is so ingrained and involuntary that even the toy Buzz Lightyear, who doesn’t know that he’s a toy, automatically collapses when a human is present. He’s not even aware that he’s doing it.

But at the movie’s climax (spoiler coming), the heroic toy Woody tells his fellow toys, “We’re going to have to break a few rules.” In particular, they walk and talk in ways that frighten the evil kid Sid.

But the movie’s established that toys obey the rules — particularly the rule about being dead while humans are around — whether they want to or not. As Buzz proved, they have no choice.

And if Woody could break the “toys collapse” rule at any time, why hasn’t he done it when playing with Andy, the boy he loves and who loves him? It would only enhance their relationship.

But no. The movie’s logic just breaks.

Toy Story is so well made and its characters’ plight is so compelling that the audience doesn’t mind Woody breaking the rules. The audience simply wants Woody and Buzz to win.

But their actions make no sense.

 

“What the hell?” movies, part 1: Close Encounters

18 Saturday Feb 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in Alien life, Art history, Close Encounters, Editing, Entertainment, Movies, Pop culture, science fiction, UFOs, writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Close Encounters, plot holes, Steven Spielberg, story logic

People will ignore howling plot problems if they like a story enough. Some of the most popular stories make no sense.

I’m not talking about the kind of mystery that can make a work of art intriguing. I enjoy some ambiguity in art. Why does the Mona Lisa smile? What’s Dali evoking by making a clock face hang like a soggy T-shirt? What’s wrong with Citizen Kane’s Charles Foster Kane? People have spent rich careers happily digging into these questions.

No, I’m talking about stuff that just plain unravels — yet people don’t seem to care.

Take Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Spoiler ahead.

Mysterious aliens controlling high technology are visiting Earth. They send to the minds of receptive people a compulsion to draw a distinctive mountain and travel to it.

In addition to telepathy, the aliens communicate via patterns of light and sound, transmissions spelling out longitude and latitude coordinates, and hand gestures. What’s more, they kidnap people who speak a variety of languages.

As these developments pile up, the movie’s human characters — and its audience — wonder: What do the aliens want?

Here’s the spoiler: The aliens want the people most receptive to the telepathically implanted compulsion to show up at the mountain so they can take the most receptive person or persons away.

But why do aliens with advanced science and multiple ways to communicate use indirect, confusing ways?

And whether they use telepathy or kidnapping, why do the aliens take people away?

The movie reveals none of the above. It doesn’t even leave intriguing hints.

You’d think that audiences would find such unanswered questions frustrating, but they don’t. They usually love the movie.

Hell, I love it. The movie’s story is so compelling, its characters so sympathetic, and its visuals so stunning that I didn’t even wonder about these questions until after I’d seen the movie at least twice. I still enjoy it.

But it makes no sense at all.

Copy cutting, the sequel!

15 Wednesday Feb 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in Editing, English, Publishing, writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Editing, writing

A while back, I provided a quick aid to copy cutting, and people seemed to like it. Below is a new set of unnecessary words and phrases that you can usually shorten or delete, and still make your point. Making these changes won’t change the point that you’re trying to make; they’ll just help you present your point in language that’s precise and brief. Consider it a free service from me, The Grumpy Editor.

Enjoy your search and replace!

12 midnight = midnight
a sufficient number of = enough
absolutely = [delete]
actual fact = fact
add an additional = add
added bonus = bonus
all things considered = [delete]
as a matter of fact = [delete]
as far as I’m concerned = [delete]
basic fundamentals = fundamentals
basic necessities = necessities
basically = [delete]
because of the fact that = because
biography of the life = biography
by virtue of the fact that = because
cease and desist = stop
close proximity = proximity
collaborate together = collaborate
completely = [delete]
definitely = [delete]
do not have much confidence in = doubt
do not pay attention to = ignore
during the course of = during / in / while
each and every = each
end result = result
equal to one another = equal
exact same = same
final outcome = outcome
first of all = first
for all intents and purposes = [delete]
for the most part = mostly
free gift = gift
future plans = plans
gather together = gather
go back over = review
have a conversation = discuss
have a discussion concerning = discuss
important essentials = essentials
in a manner of speaking = [delete]
in my opinion = [delete]
in the process of = in
introduce for the first time = introduce
it is important to note that = [delete]
it is important to remember that = [delete]
it should be borne in mind that = [delete]
knowledgeable expert = expert
literally = [delete]
make an announcement = announce
may possibly = may
mutual respect for each other = mutual respect
new innovation = innovation
past experience = experience
personal opinion = opinion
policy-making process = policy making
quite = [delete]
rather = [delete]
really = [delete]
reason why = reason
refer back = refer
revert back = revert
safe haven = haven
still remains = remains
surround on all sides = surround
surrounding circumstances = circumstances
the important thing is to = [delete]
the point I am trying to make is = [delete]
there is no doubt but that = no doubt
to record the fact that = to record that
type of = [delete]
unexpected surprise = surprise
unintentional mistake = mistake
very = [delete]
what I mean to say is = [delete]

How to introduce a character

14 Tuesday Feb 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in Disney, Editing, Entertainment, Movies, novels, Pop culture, The Godfather, The Little Mermaid, writing

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Citizen Kane, Gone with the Wind, Hamlet, Luke Skywalker, Movies, Scarlett O'Hara, Star Wars, The Little Mermaid, writing

One of the best ways to introduce a character is to show the character doing something that defines him or her as clearly as possible.

The Godfather begins during the wedding of the Godfather’s daughter — but he’s not at the wedding. He’s holding court in his office. This introduction reveals not just that he’s powerful but that his power is the center of his life, more important than even his daughter’s wedding.

Ariel in The Little Mermaid first appears by not appearing: She’s missed her royal concert debut because she’s hunting curios from the world of dry land. Her fascination with that world and its people will lead to everything that happens to her throughout the rest of the movie.

The Wizard of Oz begins with Dorothy Gale on a farm in Kansas, almost immediately wishing that she were somewhere more enjoyable. The same is true with Star Wars: right after we meet Luke Skywalker, he complains that he wants to get far from his own dusty farm and into a life more interesting. Gone with the Wind reveals Scarlett O’Hara’s frivolous immaturity in her dismissing matters as serious as civil war: “This war talk’s spoiling the fun of every party this spring!” Citizen Kane begins with the wealthy Charles Foster Kane in his luxurious estate with one word on his lips and his mind: “Rosebud.” In Hamlet, the main character’s first words are “A little more than kin, and less than kind” — a show of his resentment toward his uncle, the emotion that drives his actions throughout the play.

This pattern applies to every character, not just the protagonist. Show each character doing something that reveals the character’s most central urge or habit or feeling, and you’ll help the audience know who your characters are. And you’ll help yourself, too.

Yours,

The Grumpy Editor

Why we need editors, part three: bad government

27 Friday Jan 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in California, Comedy, Editing, English, Fun, Government, Los Angeles, Taxes

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Editing, Errors, Funny, Government, Mistakes

As I mentioned in part one and part two of this series, I love errors. As an editor, it’s my job to find them, and I’ve had a merry time so far picking on my colleagues in journalism and advertising.

Now, let’s aim the lens at our friends in public service.

(From http://www.adrants.com/2006/02/adrants-isnt-the-only-place-to-find.php)

As the top line says, it’s your tax dallors at work. Los Angeles County must be very frugal with its citizens’ money; it won’t even pony up enough for a dictionary.

The next one comes from a university town: Berkeley, California – or as a Berkeley street sign puts it:

1024x1024

(From http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Berkeley-Bad-typo-in-a-street-sign-3293805.php)

The next one is so blatant that you’d swear it’s fake – but it’s absolutely real.

(From http://carhumor.net/sotp/#)

The people who made the mistake should have studied harder in that place where people go to learn spelling. You know the place . . .

shcool6

(From https://scottdwelch-mainstreetone.com/tag/shcool/)

SOTP and SHCOOL are only paint, so they’re easy to fix. But some errors get embedded in more permanent media. San Francisco presses its street names into concrete.

Unfortunately, the city doesn’t always get its own streets right.

4308316284_214dc9b2b1_m.jpg 4430097949_7a8f605c02_m.jpg

(From http://www.flickr.com/photos/throgers/)

Not all errors get enshrined on the streets. Down in Chile, the officials of the national mint created a new coin – but never noticed that the coin misspelled the country’s name.

chile

(From http://lunaticg.blogspot.com/2010/02/looking-for-chiie-mint-not-chile-mint.html)

 

Top officials at Chile’s (or Chiie’s) mint lost their jobs over that one.

And that, boys and girls, is why we all need editors.

Why we need editors, part two: badvertising

27 Friday Jan 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in Advertising, Comedy, Design, Editing, English, Fun, Pop culture, Publishing, writing

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Advertising, Editing, Errors, Funny, Mistakes

Continuing our series on the mistakes that require an act of God or a sharp-eyed editors to prevent: Advertising and marketing have their own trips, falls and spills.

The fleece garments in the ad below are so pleasing to touch and feel that one of the ad’s models needs more than two hands.

targetadmistake

(From http://target-addict.blogspot.com/2012_04_01_archive.html)

For some reason, ads run into a lot of misspellings. Oklahoma State University “offers the highest excellence” in . . . well, take a look.

osu-ad

(From http://www.thelostogle.com/2008/10/19/osu-is-smairt/)

Of all the words for a school to mess up . . .

Some ad companies screw up even when advertising themselves. The Grey Group, a movie-marketing firm, flew this banner over the 2011 Cannes Film Festival, where thousands of its current and potential clients saw:

greycannes

(From http://copyranter.blogspot.com/2011/06/ad-agency-flies-misspelled-beach-banner.html)

Grey’s slogan is “Famously effective.” This mistake was so blatant that some observers wondered if Grey made it on purpose just to get attention.

Then there’s this little number from a prominent department store.

dillards

(From http://www.proofreadinglondon.com/blog/seven-christmas-proofreading-blunders)

By now, you’ve sharpened your eyes to spot these goodies – so let’s play Find the Typo! Take a look and see if you can find the wild one in this box cover.

stratford-hall

(From http://www.proofreadinglondon.com/blog/seven-christmas-proofreading-blunders)

Ready yet?

Check out the second line from the bottom, about “always upholding the highest standards for every detal.” Man, those pesky detals . . . .

Lest you think that I’m picking on the private sector, fear not. The next and final episode of our little adventure focuses on the messes that come from the faithful public servants in government.

Why we need editors, part one: bad news

27 Friday Jan 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in Comedy, Editing, English, Fun, Hillary Clinton, Journalism, Newspapers, Publishing, Words, writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Editing, Errors, Funny, Mistakes, News

I love mistakes.

As an editor, it’s my job to find mistakes and fix them. When I’m checking copy and I nail a monster so awful that letting it out in public would embarrass my company, I feel that I’ve justified my salary. Plus, seeing someone’s juicy error gives me the pleasure of knowing that I’m not the only one who screws up from time to time.

In fact, just about everyone collapses on the job.

I hate to admit it, but my fellow editors make mistakes. Take this example from the New Orleans Times-Picayune shows. It starts sensibly, but then it goes off the rails.

jets-patriots-times-picayune-typo

(From http://www.sportressofblogitude.com/2011/01/18/newspaper-jets-patriots-jumphead-goes-herey-barllskdjf-fkdasd-fg-asdf/)

Even when all words in a headline are correct, the meaning can get a little weird, as demonstrated by this headline from the Newark Star-Ledger.

2520334626_22fd87bd1d

(From http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2059/2520334626_22fd87bd1d.jpg?v=0)

Don’t cops have enough danger in their jobs without people paying for them to die? (The headline actually covers a program that offers money to anyone who turns in a cop shooter.)

Even the well-respected New York Times can screw up. Note the difference between the photo and the caption.

1638

(From http://www.gokunming.com/en/blog/item/1411/kunming_news_roundup)

Who knew that Secretary of State Clinton was an angel?

Of course, that headline at least talks about its story’s content. This next one, though…

think-of-a-headline-56-pt-bold-headline-newspaper-fail

(From http://dailypicksandflicks.com/2012/11/22/daily-picdump-647/think-of-a-headline-56-pt-bold-headline-newspaper-fail/)

Now, here’s a double winner. The headline below should be trumpeting the presentation of a championship plaque. Instead:

sturgis_journal_typo

(From http://www.giftbasketsfrommichigan.com/blog/just-ramblin/horribly-hilarious-typo-in-sturgis-journal/)

Some papers can’t even get their own names right, like this one from Lebanon, New Hampshire:

valley220_780390f

(From http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2449342/Newspaper-misspells-name-on-front-page.html)

But if you think newspapers are bad, wait until you see some mistakes in advertising — which part two of this series will reveal next.

The editor in the middle

16 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in Business, Editing, Entertainment, Journalism, Newspapers, Publishing, Television

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Editing, Editors, Entertainment, Journalism, News, Publishing

An editor’s job is to be in the middle.

Imagine a triangle. At one corner stands an executive — for instance, a publisher or a network president. The executive wants to attract a paying audience and believes that a line of children’s books, a monthly magazine, a series of broadcasts, or some other form of content will pull in the buyers.

At another corner of the triangle, a content creator — journalist, photographer, illustrator, novelist or some other creator — wants to distribute his/her talents and creations to an audience, and earn good money for them.

And at the third corner stands an audience: readers, listeners, or viewers. They want to see, read, or hear content that’s interesting, even compelling.

The editor — or in electronic media, the producer — stands in the middle of the triangle. The editor has to represent everyone’s viewpoint and needs to everyone else.

The editor presents the executive’s viewpoint to the creator.
“Your content doesn’t fit the boss’s idea of what our magazine / broadcast / publishing line has to be. Let me tell you what to do.”
“Your content is great, but the boss has given me a tight budget, so we can’t afford what you’re asking us to pay. Cut your rate by 10 percent, and we’ve got a deal.”

The editor also presents the audience’s viewpoint to the creator.
“Your project’s beautiful, but it’s all about medieval times, and our audience is skater kids. Try to find something that they want to know about.”
“Your idea’s good, but the execution doesn’t meet our standards. Our audience expects tight, concise writing; live, on-the-scene reporting; and diamond-sharp videography. Come back when you can deliver.”
“Your story needs tweaking to fit our audience. That’s not your fault; you’re not dealing with them every day the way we are, so there are things that you couldn’t know. But if you don’t mind making some changes, we’ll be happy to run it.”

The editor presents the creator’s viewpoint to the executive.
“Boss, Connie Creator is making something terrific — but she needs more money and more time. I think she deserves it. Can you loosen the budget and the schedule?”
“Boss, I know Connie’s piece is a little different from what we usually run — but it’s good, and pushing the envelope would liven up our website / broadcast / newsletter.”

The editor also presents the audience’s viewpoint to the executive.
“Boss, I’m getting lots of emails from the audience, saying that we’re doing the same thing over and over. You can see the same thing on our Twitter feed and Facebook page. So I want to get Connie Creator to work on a piece that would freshen things up.”

Finally, the editor presents the creator’s and executive’s views to the audience, simply by choosing what to present to the audience and how to present it.

Good editors also present their own views to everyone involved. But they do it always knowing what the others want and need.

I suspect that middle children — like me, the second of three — make good editors. We middle kids are used to making our way between opposing forces.

How to engage an employee

16 Monday Jan 2017

Posted by davidleeseidman in Business, Editing, Human resources

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Employee engagement, Harman International, Investor's Business Daily

“Employee engagement” is a buzz phrase among CEOs and human resources departments. It’s a great concept, but it doesn’t always work as expected.

Take little me. I started my last two jobs mostly unengaged. I didn’t know or care much about the industries where my employers did business.

Harman International makes speakers and other audio equipment under brands such as JBL and Harman Kardon. When I started as an editor in the marketing department, I didn’t even own headphones.

When I started at Investor’s Business Daily as a copy editor in 2014, I hadn’t invested (or had enough money to invest) since the tech tumble of 2000-2001.

I felt engaged in that I wanted to please my supervisors and keep my job. But I had no personal connection with the subject matter that I was editing.

And yet: Within a year of hiring me at Investor’s Business Daily, the managing editor had given me an extra responsibility: two sections to run, Managing for Success and Financial Advisor’s Briefing. They weren’t big sections — one page a week — but they represented a step up.

Not very long after I began at Harman, this untechnical unexpert had risen to co-writing and co-editing my division’s official glossary of complex tech terms.

How did I get that far despite my low level of engagement?

My supervisors let me do engaging work.

I like pop culture and show business. Harman sold sound systems to prominent entertainers and entertainment venues, and I was happy when my supervisors gave me materials dealing with those subjects. And IBD printed stories on pop culture and show business just as it covered other industries, so I always tried to work on those stories.

Once I got my one-page IBD sections to edit, I was more engaged than when I was simply copy editing. And I liked creating the Harman tech tome more than I liked, say, double-checking specifications of input impedance and stereo separation.

So this employee’s engagement didn’t come from Human Resources or the CEO’s office. It came from my supervisors.

Now that I’m job hunting again, I’m naturally most interested in pop-culture and showbiz companies, but I’ll work for nearly any company that I can respect. (Cigarette makers? Not for me, thanks.)

As long as my supervisors give me interesting work, I’ll give them all the engagement that they can handle.

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