Notes from The Grumpy Editor (me)

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Editing, Grammar, Grumpy editor, punctuation, The grumpy editor, Words, writing

Prepare for the grumpiness.

It’s not “$10 million dollars.” It’s “$10 million” or “10 million dollars.” “$10 million dollars” is redundant.

It’s not “Hi Jane.” It’s “Hi, Jane.” This error makes the Grumpy Editor especially grumpy.

Using “said” as an adjective makes prose sound precious or pretentious. Unless you’re writing a contract or the dialogue for a pretentious or precious person, don’t do it.

To put someone through the wringer is to wring him out or make him suffer an equivalent agony. To put someone through the ringer is –– well, I guess it’s to slip him through a bell, which doesn’t make much sense.

When a character says, “I trust [someone] implicitly,” either the character doesn’t know what he’s saying or the writer doesn’t. “Implicitly” means implied, not stated outright. If you state outright that you trust someone implicitly, then you’re being explicit, not implicit, and what you’ve said is nonsense.

Don’t preface an explanation with “Let’s unpack that.” A useful phrase, but overused.
As a substitute, let me suggest:
“Let’s dismantle that.”
“Let’s untangle that.”
“Let’s clear that up.”
“What the bleeding hell was THAT?”

Yours in helpfulness,
The Grumpy Editor

Who rules the world?

Tags

Doctor Doom, Dr. Doom, Marvel, Marvel Comics, Namor, Nick Fury, Sub-Mariner, Super-heroes

Namor, king of the world. Art by John Buscema and Sol Brodsky.

A thought from a former comic-book editor:

Namor, Marvel Comics’ Sub-Mariner, rules the world, even if the world doesn’t know it. His ocean domain covers more than two-thirds of the Earth’s surface. It surrounds the land masses and reaches into them via rivers.

But the ocean hides secrets beneath its surface, and so does Namor.

For years, he’s been quietly gaining political power. He started by befriending, threatening, and otherwise influencing small island and coastal nations that the world usually ignores. He gradually moved inland to larger countries, gaining leverage and forging alliances.

And he’s done it as secretly as possible. He has no reason to notify anyone who could stop him.

But the bigger Namor’s web grows, the harder it is to hide. When the world sees how much power he’s amassed –– enough to win a war with any nation, pound its economy to subsistence levels, and conquer its natural resources –– the world’s largest nations object.

Namor says that he’s not out to hurt anyone. He’s amassed power just to ensure the safety of his undersea domain and its people. But his previous attacks against the surface world make everyone from Nick Fury to Doctor Doom distrust him and plan to take him down.

And thus we have a conflict that could drive a new NAMOR series. He deserves it. He’s been a pillar of Marvel since 1939, but he hasn’t been a consistently top seller for decades.

I enjoy exercises like this. They let me use my editorial muscles, which flex not exactly in terms of specific stories but in setting up circumstances in which writers and artists can create great stories of their own.

Sometimes, I do miss being a comics editor.

A thing that drives writers mad

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Editing, Editors, Writers, writing

Do not make writers mad.

An annoyance: A client who says, “Here’s my notes for how the job should read, but I’m not a writer; you don’t have to copy me word for word, just phrase it whatever way works best” — and then, when you turn in the job, he insists that the way that works best is word for word what he wrote.

Almost as bad: You follow the client’s lead to the letter, and he says, “I didn’t want you to copy me word for word. I hired you to be the writer, not me.”

Don’t go there

Tags

Editing, Language, Words, writing

The Grumpy Editor has something new to grump about.

Unless you use it to designate a place or direction, or something in a place or direction, the word “there” weakens tight, punchy writing.

“Trendy fashionistas are wearing cow heads” is better — that is, stronger and shorter — than “There’s a trend among fashionistas to wear cow heads.”

“Only VIPs have sex in the Champagne Room” is better than “There is sex in the Champagne Room only for VIPs.”

“Nobody needs to use the word ‘there’ ” is better than “There is no need for anybody to use the word ‘there.’ ”

The Grumpy Editor admits that he himself has used “there” in this way. Moreover, so have many writers far greater than GrumpyEd (see “There must be more money” in “The Rocking-Horse Winner” by D.H. Lawrence).

But for most of us who are not great writers, the Grumpy Editor advises avoiding “there.” So there!

“What the hell?” movies, part 2: Toy Story

Tags

Pixar, plot holes, story logic, Toy Story

As I mentioned in the first installment of this series, people will ignore howling plot problems if they like a story enough. Some of the most popular stories make no sense.

Take Toy Story. Warning: Spoilers ahead.

A key element of this movie is that toys can walk and talk like you or I — but as soon as a human notices them, they fall down and become as inanimate as, well, a wooden toy.

This response is so ingrained and involuntary that even the toy Buzz Lightyear, who doesn’t know that he’s a toy, automatically collapses when a human is present. He’s not even aware that he’s doing it.

But at the movie’s climax (spoiler coming), the heroic toy Woody tells his fellow toys, “We’re going to have to break a few rules.” In particular, they walk and talk in ways that frighten the evil kid Sid.

But the movie’s established that toys obey the rules — particularly the rule about being dead while humans are around — whether they want to or not. As Buzz proved, they have no choice.

And if Woody could break the “toys collapse” rule at any time, why hasn’t he done it when playing with Andy, the boy he loves and who loves him? It would only enhance their relationship.

But no. The movie’s logic just breaks.

Toy Story is so well made and its characters’ plight is so compelling that the audience doesn’t mind Woody breaking the rules. The audience simply wants Woody and Buzz to win.

But their actions make no sense.

 

“What the hell?” movies, part 1: Close Encounters

Tags

Close Encounters, plot holes, Steven Spielberg, story logic

People will ignore howling plot problems if they like a story enough. Some of the most popular stories make no sense.

I’m not talking about the kind of mystery that can make a work of art intriguing. I enjoy some ambiguity in art. Why does the Mona Lisa smile? What’s Dali evoking by making a clock face hang like a soggy T-shirt? What’s wrong with Citizen Kane’s Charles Foster Kane? People have spent rich careers happily digging into these questions.

No, I’m talking about stuff that just plain unravels — yet people don’t seem to care.

Take Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Spoiler ahead.

Mysterious aliens controlling high technology are visiting Earth. They send to the minds of receptive people a compulsion to draw a distinctive mountain and travel to it.

In addition to telepathy, the aliens communicate via patterns of light and sound, transmissions spelling out longitude and latitude coordinates, and hand gestures. What’s more, they kidnap people who speak a variety of languages.

As these developments pile up, the movie’s human characters — and its audience — wonder: What do the aliens want?

Here’s the spoiler: The aliens want the people most receptive to the telepathically implanted compulsion to show up at the mountain so they can take the most receptive person or persons away.

But why do aliens with advanced science and multiple ways to communicate use indirect, confusing ways?

And whether they use telepathy or kidnapping, why do the aliens take people away?

The movie reveals none of the above. It doesn’t even leave intriguing hints.

You’d think that audiences would find such unanswered questions frustrating, but they don’t. They usually love the movie.

Hell, I love it. The movie’s story is so compelling, its characters so sympathetic, and its visuals so stunning that I didn’t even wonder about these questions until after I’d seen the movie at least twice. I still enjoy it.

But it makes no sense at all.

Copy cutting, the sequel!

Tags

Editing, writing

A while back, I provided a quick aid to copy cutting, and people seemed to like it. Below is a new set of unnecessary words and phrases that you can usually shorten or delete, and still make your point. Making these changes won’t change the point that you’re trying to make; they’ll just help you present your point in language that’s precise and brief. Consider it a free service from me, The Grumpy Editor.

Enjoy your search and replace!

12 midnight = midnight
a sufficient number of = enough
absolutely = [delete]
actual fact = fact
add an additional = add
added bonus = bonus
all things considered = [delete]
as a matter of fact = [delete]
as far as I’m concerned = [delete]
basic fundamentals = fundamentals
basic necessities = necessities
basically = [delete]
because of the fact that = because
biography of the life = biography
by virtue of the fact that = because
cease and desist = stop
close proximity = proximity
collaborate together = collaborate
completely = [delete]
definitely = [delete]
do not have much confidence in = doubt
do not pay attention to = ignore
during the course of = during / in / while
each and every = each
end result = result
equal to one another = equal
exact same = same
final outcome = outcome
first of all = first
for all intents and purposes = [delete]
for the most part = mostly
free gift = gift
future plans = plans
gather together = gather
go back over = review
have a conversation = discuss
have a discussion concerning = discuss
important essentials = essentials
in a manner of speaking = [delete]
in my opinion = [delete]
in the process of = in
introduce for the first time = introduce
it is important to note that = [delete]
it is important to remember that = [delete]
it should be borne in mind that = [delete]
knowledgeable expert = expert
literally = [delete]
make an announcement = announce
may possibly = may
mutual respect for each other = mutual respect
new innovation = innovation
past experience = experience
personal opinion = opinion
policy-making process = policy making
quite = [delete]
rather = [delete]
really = [delete]
reason why = reason
refer back = refer
revert back = revert
safe haven = haven
still remains = remains
surround on all sides = surround
surrounding circumstances = circumstances
the important thing is to = [delete]
the point I am trying to make is = [delete]
there is no doubt but that = no doubt
to record the fact that = to record that
type of = [delete]
unexpected surprise = surprise
unintentional mistake = mistake
very = [delete]
what I mean to say is = [delete]

How to introduce a character

Tags

Citizen Kane, Gone with the Wind, Hamlet, Luke Skywalker, Movies, Scarlett O'Hara, Star Wars, The Little Mermaid, writing

One of the best ways to introduce a character is to show the character doing something that defines him or her as clearly as possible.

The Godfather begins during the wedding of the Godfather’s daughter — but he’s not at the wedding. He’s holding court in his office. This introduction reveals not just that he’s powerful but that his power is the center of his life, more important than even his daughter’s wedding.

Ariel in The Little Mermaid first appears by not appearing: She’s missed her royal concert debut because she’s hunting curios from the world of dry land. Her fascination with that world and its people will lead to everything that happens to her throughout the rest of the movie.

The Wizard of Oz begins with Dorothy Gale on a farm in Kansas, almost immediately wishing that she were somewhere more enjoyable. The same is true with Star Wars: right after we meet Luke Skywalker, he complains that he wants to get far from his own dusty farm and into a life more interesting. Gone with the Wind reveals Scarlett O’Hara’s frivolous immaturity in her dismissing matters as serious as civil war: “This war talk’s spoiling the fun of every party this spring!” Citizen Kane begins with the wealthy Charles Foster Kane in his luxurious estate with one word on his lips and his mind: “Rosebud.” In Hamlet, the main character’s first words are “A little more than kin, and less than kind” — a show of his resentment toward his uncle, the emotion that drives his actions throughout the play.

This pattern applies to every character, not just the protagonist. Show each character doing something that reveals the character’s most central urge or habit or feeling, and you’ll help the audience know who your characters are. And you’ll help yourself, too.

Yours,

The Grumpy Editor

Why we need editors, part three: bad government

Tags

Editing, Errors, Funny, Government, Mistakes

As I mentioned in part one and part two of this series, I love errors. As an editor, it’s my job to find them, and I’ve had a merry time so far picking on my colleagues in journalism and advertising.

Now, let’s aim the lens at our friends in public service.

(From http://www.adrants.com/2006/02/adrants-isnt-the-only-place-to-find.php)

As the top line says, it’s your tax dallors at work. Los Angeles County must be very frugal with its citizens’ money; it won’t even pony up enough for a dictionary.

The next one comes from a university town: Berkeley, California – or as a Berkeley street sign puts it:

(From http://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Berkeley-Bad-typo-in-a-street-sign-3293805.php)

The next one is so blatant that you’d swear it’s fake – but it’s absolutely real.

(From http://carhumor.net/sotp/#)

The people who made the mistake should have studied harder in that place where people go to learn spelling. You know the place . . .

(From https://scottdwelch-mainstreetone.com/tag/shcool/)

SOTP and SHCOOL are only paint, so they’re easy to fix. But some errors get embedded in more permanent media. San Francisco presses its street names into concrete.

Unfortunately, the city doesn’t always get its own streets right.

(From http://www.flickr.com/photos/throgers/)

Not all errors get enshrined on the streets. Down in Chile, the officials of the national mint created a new coin – but never noticed that the coin misspelled the country’s name.

(From http://lunaticg.blogspot.com/2010/02/looking-for-chiie-mint-not-chile-mint.html)

 

Top officials at Chile’s (or Chiie’s) mint lost their jobs over that one.

And that, boys and girls, is why we all need editors.

Why we need editors, part two: badvertising

Tags

Advertising, Editing, Errors, Funny, Mistakes

Continuing our series on the mistakes that require an act of God or a sharp-eyed editors to prevent: Advertising and marketing have their own trips, falls and spills.

The fleece garments in the ad below are so pleasing to touch and feel that one of the ad’s models needs more than two hands.

(From http://target-addict.blogspot.com/2012_04_01_archive.html)

For some reason, ads run into a lot of misspellings. Oklahoma State University “offers the highest excellence” in . . . well, take a look.

(From http://www.thelostogle.com/2008/10/19/osu-is-smairt/)

Of all the words for a school to mess up . . .

Some ad companies screw up even when advertising themselves. The Grey Group, a movie-marketing firm, flew this banner over the 2011 Cannes Film Festival, where thousands of its current and potential clients saw:

(From http://copyranter.blogspot.com/2011/06/ad-agency-flies-misspelled-beach-banner.html)

Grey’s slogan is “Famously effective.” This mistake was so blatant that some observers wondered if Grey made it on purpose just to get attention.

Then there’s this little number from a prominent department store.

(From http://www.proofreadinglondon.com/blog/seven-christmas-proofreading-blunders)

By now, you’ve sharpened your eyes to spot these goodies – so let’s play Find the Typo! Take a look and see if you can find the wild one in this box cover.

(From http://www.proofreadinglondon.com/blog/seven-christmas-proofreading-blunders)

Ready yet?

Check out the second line from the bottom, about “always upholding the highest standards for every detal.” Man, those pesky detals . . . .

Lest you think that I’m picking on the private sector, fear not. The next and final episode of our little adventure focuses on the messes that come from the faithful public servants in government.